『 αn iridescent faith 』

honest to god i will break your heart, tear you to pieces and rip you apart

2011-12-14T12:41:00.001+08:00

sometimes in life, your parents wont understand, your friend wont understand, neither will your boyfriend or girlfriend.

and no matter how hard you try, there is no possibility to treat your own boyfriend/girlfriend as your bestfriend because they are just not. they gonna annoy you with all the words that you dont need to hear.

Meaning of Dream

2011-12-13T10:08:00.005+08:00

I just had the strangest dream in my life. I was murdered or killed.

The story goes like, it begins in a church. I don't know how I got there but I didn't put myself there. The dream put me there.

I was there standing, and to my surprise I saw my ex-girlfriend and my girlfriend there with me. It is kinda blur at this part but all I did was trying to get out of it like as if I could not take it to be there. So I took them out as well.

The next thing happened was I and my brother were sent to a big ship. I went into the ship to assassinate a guy who looks like Hitler. After sneaking and stuff, we were in this spiral ladder and Hitler showed up. Ridiculously, I chose to throw away the gun before Hitler sees me so that I can reason with him that I was there not to kill him. Apparently he was not interested in any talking, anyone who dares to sneak into his ship is dead. He then shot my brother first and then me.

Strange, but I swear it scared the fuck out of me. I dreamt a lot, but this one is the true nightmare.

The part when I was shot, It just went pitch black. A complete darkness and all I did was thinking whether I was really dead or not. I could not get out even I tried, trapped in a dark. It feels like hours, I tried to wake myself up but I just could not. I felt miserable, and I regret for not saving my brother. "If only I dared to stand and just shoot Hitler instead of giving excuses."

So then, after I woke up. I cant fucking get rid of the dream. I even barely remember what happened but I know I was killed in the dream. Then I googled "Dream of being killed means"

Here is what I found:

To dream that you have been killed suggests that your actions are disconnected from your emotions and conscience. The dream refers to drastic changes that you are trying to make. There is a characteristic that you want to get rid of or a habit that you want to end within yourself. Killing represents the killing off of the old parts and old habits. Alternatively, the dream represents feelings of being let down or betrayed by someone in your waking life. You are feeling overwhelmed, shocked and disappointed.

This shit has a strong message.

drink it down and smile

2011-12-01T05:27:00.001+08:00

You are a hipster. 80% of the kids I met are hipsters. yes, they think they are hip and cool.

Let me tell you something, I will never get along with ya. You turn on mainstream music mp3 u downloaded somewhere off the internet and played them over and over. You wear that hip-hip jacket, big-big glasses, and maybe you have to bring an umbrella as well during the day. You want to be just like the crowd, when you aren't you to think you are old-fashioned.

OH FUCK YOU. you all are fags.

Right where I belong

2011-09-04T23:41:00.002+08:00

I don't know but I believe I am much more fired up to get things done pretty well here in Suzhou.

Maybe it was because that I needed myself to know back when I was in Indonesia how restless and useless I was to come back home but not having my purpose fulfilled. And this time I am given a chance to finish this.

And talking about age, by the way I begin to feel OLD, man! I am no longer like some of those fresh highschool graduates who feel that being put to study aboard is a Total Freedom. What I feel now is, you are meant to be here because you have something to be accomplished. Yeah, I guess that's about it. Another wall of texts, im sorry for not putting any picture, haven't been taking group pictures or anything here.

Haha Huhu~

2011-09-01T04:09:00.003+08:00

So I was like going to this karaoke with my cousin and his gf. Unexpectedly they were bringing more friends which I haven't met before yet. So I just enjoyed the karaoke and just being easy going as easy as i can (wtf is going easy as easy as i can?)

so after some times, i finally came out with a "yes" after they asking me to sing a fucking song for so many times. I was shy but fuck it. that eminem feat rihana love the way you lie song pops and i blast like one fucking rapping star man. eventhough i got out of breath at some moments but i totally stunned them and myself, actually, that i could do the rap quite flawlessly MAN! HAHAHAH. it was definitely an epic shame for the 2 guys who deliberately chose linkin park "in the end" song and messed up the rap and verses, totally. hahahhaha.

Was fun. no PUN intended LOL. I know you guys are viewing this. THANKS :D

who you reaching out to?

2011-08-20T01:08:00.003+08:00

somehow i'm so obsessed with this song and the rap.

by the way...

a very typical shit you all may be going through is backstabbers - if you live with many different people in different places like me. well, dealing with backstabbers, there is one thing I learned and i think you should know: they are only powerful when you have your back turned.

bringing chorus to the dirt

2011-08-19T08:16:00.004+08:00

I wanted to blog so much, since I have plenty of times all night long going through this insomnia madness. But I know I must not put another walls of text full of rants. Plus, somehow I can't access deviantart from here. This sucks so bad :(

The only time I enjoy myself is only when I am out of this house spending time with my fellow friends. Maybe thats cus I let go some disturbing thoughts when I'm hanging out. Once I step into my house, all the pressure and shit start filling my head and bam - I have issue dealing with my mum. I got mad so easily. Oh gawd what should I do.. this shit will still apply though "Laugh at your problems, everybody else does."

Flightless Bird

2011-08-16T02:51:00.004+08:00

I don't know if anyone is still reading this blog. It ain't like 2009! My blog is now quite boring xD I know it, but its just me - I just love to write whatever that comes on my mind ever since I was a very young kid. I used to make my own silly heroic stories on wordpad when I was a very young kid, no kidding.

So now why am I so afraid of falling down. This is the main point of this posting, my deepest fear in life.

I may be growing in a good enough family, having enough for almost everything - materials and non-materials.

But, eventually, things change. I have to take responsibility in life, and the most important thing is to learn how to survive without taking a free ride.

Honestly I am unhappy with my present state. Unhappy with myself. Unhappy with the outcome of my life. It is too late to change the past no matter how much I talk it over, and complain about it, and I will still be in the position I am in.

I can no longer live the life like I had, I must change my ways. I have to make the right choice.

Easier said then done, I know. But at least I realized how lucky I have been all along. Things will get better in time because I still believe the best is yet to come.

CHEERS!

everyday rollercoasters

2011-08-15T02:49:00.003+08:00

I am pausing this tiny little moment. I am going to do a little self reflection.

I am asking myself why the older I get, the more I rant. Look at my postings and my facebook statuses, those are merely pointless rants.

Life is life, but sometimes you just gotta introspect yourself.

So just let me live my life. (I don't really have to mention this but, seriously no offense.)

2011-06-10T19:51:00.002+08:00

I hate this but I suck at convincing people that I am pretty much always solo things that I do. So whenever I refuse somebody's involvement, it is just hard to avoid them from taking hard feeling over it. To be honest though, I am happy to be independent. I am happy doing my own things. I am happy not to be nosy enough to involve myself in unnecessary gatherings, social thingy shit, or anything else that does not interest me.

whatever you're doing

2011-06-03T03:22:00.002+08:00

I used to love and I did break people's heart. Once that happened, it infused one or two things into my mind which the main point is: "If you dare to love, you are about to hurt her". Hence, this kind of mindset keeps me alone and keeping a distance from any females just cuz i'm afraid to fall for someone.

Here is the thing. At my age, honestly I need a companion. Friends are friends, lovers are lovers. But sometimes you need someone you can call her/him a partner. Someone who has the passion to accompany you, understand you, and of course he/she must suit to your personal liking. Being scared of hurting or to be hurt is an excuse. And here I am, throwing away all those excuses, starting anew. Whats gonna happen next? It is up to you.

memories

2011-05-15T00:02:00.001+08:00

When February became June
Their affection fought the cold
But they couldn't quite remember
What inspired them to go

And it was beautifully depressing
Like a streetcar named desire
They were fighting for their love
That had started growing tired

Oh memories where'd you go

the road

2011-05-04T22:44:00.001+08:00

Perhaps its right it IS when you start dreaming of the bad things that means you don't have to worry much because you know you're still fighting. when life is full of luxuries, thats when you gotta have to worry, son!

Savior

2011-04-26T23:01:00.003+08:00

Have u ever gone through this, that at one point, you just want to say "Fuck it! I had enough.". The whole life I have been taking a free ride. Hence, I have to bear this so called "Guilt" which commonly known as "responsibility" as a good son. Everything is like set and stone, I am bound to do what I am supposed to do. I am not even given a choice to give out my opinion on life. This is bullshit. Even without a degree, I will choose to live my life the way I want it to be. Right from this second, I gotta think and act like a big man. Bottom line, I act not because I'm told to, is because I chose to. Another thing, my parents have been having issues in between them. I don't know, I can just feel it. It is kinda embarrassing to say but I fucking dare you that this happens to lots of people out there. I can't fix it for them, I will try though. But they are big enough to settle their own problem.

I could tell you but I wouldn't

2011-04-25T03:11:00.001+08:00

I actually honestly really seriously do. but i regard my pride for too high that i don't really actually ridiculously even try to regard any other to win me in every fucking way over you ;) THIS!

XoXo KthxBai.

2011-04-11T22:03:00.003+08:00

I don't know but I have the heart of rebels. I often rebel to ideas, especially when those are what most of people agreed to. And why recently I hate to give people "Happy Birthday" and shit when I see they are having one through the notification on facebook. WHYY.. i dont even know that i even hide my own birthday so that no random people would appear suddenly to give me a birthday message. I know, its a good intention. Yet, I may say i appreciate it and shit when i actually dont. you're doing it just because everyone does it. its all facebookers' nature. dont lie.

"Hey Wanda, when will you stop being a douche?" Toasty said.

"Everyone's a douche, in fact, everyone is retard to me. Unless you prove yourself otherwise." I replied.

on my own

2011-04-10T08:27:00.004+08:00

You want a bye. I give you a bye if that makes you happy. You want juju? I show you who juju is. It has never been fucking enough. and yeah I never understand. Say whatever you want.

vulture

2011-04-09T11:56:00.003+08:00

Classes bore me to death. No money at all that I only eat once a day borrowing from housemate. Smoked 2 packs a day. My Neroheart is jailed. My chinese aint improving much since i am lazy to install interest-plugin into my brain function. sleep all day, up all night during weekends. And I have to understand someone's state of feeling when I cant even understand mine at all.

'When life gives you lemons, fuck the lemons.'

awakening

2011-04-04T02:03:00.002+08:00

Do you have the courage to give up what you think are important for so long? I don't. But I learned that letting go is one of the most important thing in life which requires a courage of losing everything but for a purpose. It is a twist in your story, the moment you will realize somehow you've made a tough decision. For your own.

when love itself ain't enough, it takes both personality to create the bond

2011-03-31T23:39:00.001+08:00

Believe me, I tried.

thousand of hours lookin through window's glass

2011-03-31T15:50:00.000+08:00

I always have different perspective yet you still come along with me. Get outta of the crowd!

Have a nice day ya'all!

we eat bamboos, we appreciate every little panda things

2011-03-26T23:55:00.007+08:00

They say Love is grant, I say bamboo is more grant. Cause its ma food yo

So this is the very first outing I've ever had together with my girl's Chinese friends. They are locals. We all know, anything that's about hanging out with local Chinese would be disastrous. Hmm.. that shit does not really apply to me, apparently. I enjoyed my time there, it was even hilarious I dare say.

And you know what, as I'm dumb at Chinese's hollywood, I don't really know about Chinese stars. So actually I was invited by her cousin to this KTV last night. Guess what? There was a very famous Chinese actor and I did not notice him as a star at all.

He is...

Dou Xiao.

He does look Star-ish though at the KTV.

Here's his pic last night:

Overall, he's a charismatic and good-looking figure. Well, that's my opinion.

My girl said he's a "very famous" Chinese actor. I need to start working out with some Chinese-stars-encyclopedia before I miss someone like Jacky Chan if I happen to walk pass him by on some random streets in China. lol

"Thanks for the mmrs. I'm missing you again now."

passing headlights

2011-03-17T20:56:00.005+08:00

I met my Chinese-Class classmate in Guangzhou named "Allan the Australlian" not so long ago. And guess what? He said he missed me (o'really?) and he spit out one thing that he likes about me, which is: my way of saying my thoughts. Be it on facebook, my long-forgotten twitter, or msn's personal message bar. He is about 36 y/o and I don't think he's just saying it randomly. He even slipped a word "artistic". LOL beat that! He made my day, honestly. You rock Allan.

So I've been passive on blogging or making those fine lines anywhere else. I was thinking that they were just words anyway, words that may motivate you, or perhaps eye-opening, or mostly just empty and random. But yet, I got pretty much people getting my points and liked them. Joan, my Guangzhou friend, she also convinced me that she liked my random lines. She even wrote it off somewhere to keep them.

Why I stopped? Look at facebook and how many people are getting fine lines, I have no idea whether they are copy-pasted from somewhere or just something that just popped outta their heads. They are all so common. And that is why "Famous Quotes" is invented.

You may think of the reason why am i giving a fuck to things like this. I actually don't, but i certainly have a point of speaking this out. I am a huge fan of wordplay.. I can tell your maturity level just by how you put out your point into one beautiful sentence. I call that, an art.

more Strokes'

2011-03-13T20:58:00.000+08:00

12345 ways to see the world and only 1 or 2 that you like.

2011-03-13T01:08:00.003+08:00

"People tell us all the time we're gonna die from smoking, you only live once."

and that is exactly my point, living life the way that you want to live it. If other people want to live it differently then that's fine. Life is about pleasing yourself and other's, because you only live once.

Hello Oldtimers

2011-03-10T22:40:00.000+08:00

Beechhhhinese!

2011-03-09T21:24:00.003+08:00

Chinese today, Chinese on the streets, Chinese on the menu, Chinese homeworks, Chinese dictation, Chineseeeeeeey. But then, when I pop this song up, Boiled Goose saves my life.

so long whiskey shots & cheap cigarettes

2011-03-07T23:56:00.004+08:00

No matter how much I kept myself away from the feeling of love,

or whenever I prioritize freedom in my life,

I must admit there are times I just need someone to love, and to be loved.

I'll take the chance, and I'll live with it.

I walked for miles till I found you, I will honor this and keep it alive.

Juju.

On Fire

2011-02-28T00:17:00.006+08:00

"They tell you where you need to go. They tell you when you need to leave.

They tell you what you need to know. Tell you who you need to be.

But everything inside you know there's more than what you've heard,

there's so much more than empty conversations filled with empty words."

"You're on fire when He's near you. You're on fire when He speaks.

You're on fire, burning at these mysteries."

"Give me one more time around. Give me one more chance to see.

Give me everything You are. Give me one more chance to be near You.

When everything inside me looks like everything I hate,

You are the hope I have for change, You are the only chance I'll take."

back to university

2011-02-21T13:58:00.002+08:00

I will miss our holiday moments~ don't ask me why, because...

Wonderland to Alice

2011-02-19T01:53:00.005+08:00

I smile , you laugh, I look away
I sigh, you ask me why, I say,
It's ok and I am just feeling down
Your hand on mine I hear the words...
If only love had found us first, our lives would be different

So I stand and wait
I am just a man

Where would we be now baby, if we found each other first
Where would we be now baby,

And now I must confess
That I am a sinking ship
I'm anchored by the weight of my heart cause its filled with these feelings
I keep my true thought locked beside my hearts black box
It wont be found, it wont be found, through the smoke or the wreckage
So I crash and burn
I got a lot of things to learn

Where would we be now baby, if we found each other first
What would you do now darling, if I said these simple words
I'll wait, I'll wait...As long as you want

Where would we be now baby

I'll wait
I'll wait

Where would we be now baby, if we found each other first
What would you do now darling, if I said these simple words
I'll wait, I'll wait...As long as you want.

Where would we be now baby
I'll wait
I'll wait

Taking Steps

2011-02-19T01:28:00.004+08:00

I keep on moving. Now I'm standing still and look around. Can I stay here? And the world says "No. You aren't done and you never will. Everyone is not ought to be."

Ben was not a believer in digital world

2011-02-10T23:19:00.009+08:00

Ben is thinking hard.

He does not believe in digital world.

Usually he does not really care about what people are saying; especially if these people are talking about their personal life.

But he's now confused, he seems to pay attention very closely to someone. He begins to care a lot for this person until he finds out that he is having difficulty differentiating what is real and what is not anymore. Just a few hours without her, it feels like ages.

What about you?

Yea, you.

friends, snowflakes & the invisible man

2011-02-10T21:01:00.001+08:00

micro

2011-02-10T11:00:00.003+08:00

One of my 2010 resolutions comes true in the 2nd month of 2011, so why the hell should I complain about it! The snow is awesome xD

Terriyakidon

2011-02-09T00:20:00.002+08:00

I lost my asianity. I ended up bleaching my hair again!

But NOO.. Bleaching your hair does not mean you disgrace yourself as an Asian. I'm proud to be Asian, and even prouder to be a Chinese Indonesian. Its just that.. I am meant to have my hair bleached today, lol.

Have any of you wonder what 'Fate' means. Is it created with your own mind which imprints a suggestion in your head that something was meant to be destined for you. You created it yourself. What if you were wrong, there is no such thing as 'Fate'. Things don't always go right, and you just can't blame yourself for how the world revolves around you.

When you're meant to live for so much more

2011-02-07T20:30:00.006+08:00

I've been wishing I could have my doors and windows boarded so that storms wouldn't come swaying me like one piece of thin paper. I want to be a fighter who fights for control, a fighter who fights for my soul.

One day to another, I kept listening, kept seeing, kept trying to understand how every single one around me so confident of their accomplishments they made. But you know what, I have something - something which I feel like a voice in my head. It tells me that they don't look how dark days would be like. Matthew 16:26: For what profit is it to a man if he gains the world and loses his own soul?

We need to get outside of our convenient cage sometimes!

I want to have faith.

Have u already taken too much today?

2011-02-05T05:51:00.003+08:00

I guess I was just bored. I decided not to return home during winter holidays so I have a long days here. I surfed internet a lot after I moved to a new apartment. Then I tried some social sites like WLIB and Badoo.. These are not bad, WLIB is somekind of Facebook but it is for Beijingers local or Foreigners to post a thread and discuss about stuffs. Badoo let you search people nearby to you who want to meet/date/eat chocolate with/have an icecream with/etc somebody.

2 weeks to go before class starts. And I need to make these days productive enough so I don't feel like wasting my time.

ciao.

Fart

2011-02-04T17:37:00.002+08:00

GIRLS DON'T FART. Who in the name of the mother earth said that! As I grow up and see the world. Well actually the world to me are only these 2: Singapore, and China. I discovered that farting is no more to be ashamed of. Look at China, I'm referring to Beijing this time, people fart. The Chinese lady who was beside me when I was picking some Lays in the supermarket, farted. The elderly I encountered in a rainy evening that day, holding his umbrella, stopped and farted. The taxi driver in beijing, farted loud and clear in front of me and 3 other friends of mine. My friend, Andrew Mogi, farted with pride.

So listen, you should not joke about farting because sooner or later, China will own the world. And there will be a farting Acapella led by a chinese farting industry. Rocking your radio at home. So fart loud, and fart with joy my friends.

Frequency

2011-01-08T01:31:00.001+08:00

"There's a ship out, on the ocean. At the mercy of the sea its been tossed about, lost and broken, wandering aimlessly. and God, somehow, you know, that ship is me."

I was surprised there's still a movie that can make my heart melt, this movie called "Frequency" reminded me of the warmth when I once a very young fella, when everyday I got my family around me. Those lyrics are found from the song "when you come back to me again" - a theme song of the movie I mentioned.

Bitchslap?

2011-01-06T23:59:00.009+08:00

I have no idea how to deal with this kind of thing. Like I said, I start to regret approving random friend request. I hate to argue with people over silly comment, honestly. This person is kinda "bitchslapping" me by telling me to use Jambi language instead of English. How dumb a human being can be than adding a total stranger (i know i'm good looking, thats why she added me. i dont care but you got to agree) and now spoiled people's profile page with this kind of trash. Awesome name by the way.

To answer, with all of my heart and soul I'd say:

"Because I appreciate English and I look forward to improve my English. If I see someone else talking in Arab, I'd prefer not to tell them not to speak Arab but English because I know everyone gonna ask this person to suck my lollipop." ooops

My 2011 Marches On

2011-01-06T19:51:00.004+08:00

I'm glad that my parents have been very supportive toward me all this time. The university may not be giving me a second chance for what I've done but I decided not to stop, I was kicked out from the university and got my ass out of the dormitory as well. So then I temporarily stay at my good friend's apartment and within these limited days before my dad will tell me to stop n' just return to Indonesia to work, I struggled quite a bit to find whatever way I can to be able to continue studying.

I managed to get into another university peeps! Successfully pursued my former teacher to write me a recommendation letter, and found an apartment. Just got everything settled now. Talked to my dad and he approved me for all these as long as I take it seriously this time. Yay.

Another starry night in China

2010-12-21T22:22:00.000+08:00

"Back home I always thought I wanted so much more, now I'm not too sure
Cause sometimes I miss knowing someone's there for me and feeling free.."

"And now I light myself a smoke beneath the dark Atlantic sky."

- Yellowcard

Unspoken thoughts

2010-12-20T15:25:00.002+08:00

Gonna be walking on the streets with all failures in my head. I can't even take care of myself, how can I take care of others. I lost my way in every final precipice of my life. So confused what's true or false what's fact or fiction after all - making me like an apparition's pet.

short words

2010-12-16T23:32:00.005+08:00

i'm terribly annoyed with some strangers who added me on facebook and now it turned out, firstly - I have no idea who the fuck they are until this very second. Secondly - they post stupid stuffs, share stupid posts, write stupid jokes. Thirdly - Some of them don't even put their real face on facebook but merely selecting nice pretty faces from googles whatever shit and make it their profile picture. YES. It is beyond my right to prohibit any human being from doing so, but OH MY FUCKING GOD, can I please just pull this pin and throw the grenade on them so that their head can just explode, all brain come out.

All I need in this life is one, One thing to believe in.

2010-12-10T15:55:00.002+08:00

I have a very bad feeling about my grade this time. I'm doing my best to make it up but sometimes why every effort is never be enough. Somehow it requires me to push even further. To become what I am not. Or am I just creating this self-image that would deceive me and my future.. I don't know.

sojuhideouts.

2010-11-28T23:36:00.006+08:00

One of the night of the best soju.

Bullstrike!

2010-11-27T16:20:00.003+08:00

Armin Van Buuren was coming! I was so excited! So then I got the ticket well like exactly on the day of the event, luckily because my friend has a channel so he could still get 2 tickets reserved.

It was totally a rockin' night. Pendulum - Witchcraft really popped out at GTBananaClub, no much RnB and HipHop. Drum n Bass all the way with hell loads of trance. Definitely better.

The thing is, I was videoing Armin from the dancefloor and it was so crowded. I had my wallet stolen. Now I got to settle so much things like deactivating credit cards and blocking my ATM cards. There wasn't really much cash in it, there's like $180RMB. But what hit me is the wallet itself, and stuffs like my singapore student card and etc. I will not get those kind of things anymore in my life and I just lost it for EVER, last night.

Sure things falling

2010-11-24T13:38:00.002+08:00

I don't know for how many days already, these classes I have to wake up every single cold morning to attend. Listening to Chinese teachers trying to speak English that sounds perfectly like outer planet language followed with repeated advice regarding how your attendance and attitude in class affect your grade. More than that, this is the first time I ever feel tired of sleeping in class. If there is a revolver in the drawer, I'll pull the trigger in my head. Life starts after class.

Decision is a trial by fire.

2010-11-22T23:34:00.002+08:00

Just a couple of snapshots taken.

Above the bright skies.

2010-11-17T04:13:00.005+08:00

I just understand that words don't really matter. Doing it itself doesn't always last long enough. What I've just got in mind, what I just learned, is - the passion in each of us is the thing that gives power to carry on.

and i wanna make everything worthwhile.

2010-11-14T23:27:00.015+08:00

So in short, I didn't really care about the trip for not sleeping 24hr but It almost killed me during the 4 hours journey walking up the cliffs, taking a shortcut up which might really kill me if I slip.

It was a great one though. Really appreciate the moment and I am thankful to my friend Sunsun who lent me his DSLR at some occasions.

These 4 pics below are taken using my iPhone as only the three of us: Me, Kevin, and Devin, decided to move on leaving the rest because they were still resting and we were dead curious of the road ahead. But then somehow I got an idea how about taking a shorcut rather than walking up by the stupid chinese stairs.

I didn't dare to take out my phone during our way through the shortcut-road. We found nobody using the route and it seemed forbidden for visitors to pass through. We three managed to get through it alive though, leaving some scratches caused by the rough debris. And you know what, the harder way you take the more rewarding it is. We ended up on a very nice spot where we could see a very scenic view from such a height. This is where I took my phone and took some pics.

We then decided that if we have to walk down again, it will be stupid and just waste our energy and time. Therefore, here it comes. We gave in to Cable Car for its $60 ticket price per each.

I wanna love, I wanna leave.

2010-11-13T06:09:00.003+08:00

YEAH. I got lectured by the head of International Degree Education programs, Ms. Joannah. She actually is nice but I really hate that I had to come to her office just to report for not attending several classes lately. And you know the excuse I have makes it even feel worse, "I'm having a hard time to wake up." Jesus Christ! I have to be honest so yeah, she then told me to compare myself with those who are living outside the dorms because they are far away from the university but they can still make it. I was like "oh here it comes.." - then the last thing I can't forget, she asked me to make more friends with classmates who can influence me good things.. ... GOOD THINGS? I wasn't interested to carry on with the topic so I only nodded and nodded like a good boy till she finished.

Okay, got to pack things up. We are going to this mountain where beautiful scenes can be found, beautiful girls can also be found, I wish. Nah.. Just some cool place where everyone recommended us to go. So yeah, I'm ending this post.

more than ever.

2010-11-12T07:16:00.003+08:00

It's funny how at some moments we just wanted to go back to past time where it might feel a little more comfy for us, a little more innocent we think we were. But no one ever gonna tell you whether it was real that you used to be that way.

Go on. It is okay dreaming to be back. And it will stay as a dream, forever.

"You and me
A little different
Though we tried to stay the same." - Yellowcard

the opposite of your own shadow.

2010-11-10T23:36:00.005+08:00

live and die like we do

At first, he was being bitchy and kept moving, when I grabbed my camera and aimed at him, he stopped for like 5 seconds, seriously.

Andrew, the one who goes down the fastest haha.

Accidents

During our all-out karaoke. I finally sang some yellowcards nicely.

do you really think anyone can replace me?

"Son, I am not everything you thought that I would be. But every story I have told is part of me."

2010-11-07T16:12:00.004+08:00

A song themed from the movie "Big Fish"

A beautiful Dad movie giving you the truest image of truth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LggF_UxhL28

I could tell you the wildest of tales
My friend the giant and traveling sales
Tell you all the times that I failed
The years all behind me the stories exhaled.

And I'm drying out
Crying out
This isn't how I go

I could tell you of a man not so tall
Who said life's a circus and so we are small
Tell you of a girl that I saw
I froze in the moment and she changed it all

And I'm drying out
Crying out
This isn't how I go
Hurry now
Lay me down
And let these waters
Flow, flow

Son I am not everything
You thought that I would be
But every story I have told
Is part of me (Oooooooooh x4)

You keep the air in my lungs
Floating along as a melody comes
And my heart beats like timpani drums
Keeping the time while a symphony strums

And I'm drying out
Crying out
This isn't how I go
Hurry now
Lay me down
And let these waters
Flow…
Flow
Let it flow (LET IT FLOW) x2

Son I am not everything
You thought that I would be
But every story I have told
Is part of me
Son I leave you now but you have so much more to do
And every story I have told is part of you

Sung by Yellowcard - How I Go

40 weeks from twenty-one.

2010-11-06T05:25:00.004+08:00

I look back and I have yet accomplished much, no?

Am I still allowed to call myself a teenager anymore,

but I don't think so,

I'm more than that

but yet not so adequately mature enough.

I still sleep like a dog and

waking up watching the world coming down on my head..

Oh God, what am I thinking.

I should go to sleep.

gifts and curses.

2010-11-04T23:21:00.004+08:00

I want to blog so much as I want to upload any photos but lately I have not taken any photos with my cams! This sucks. But hell, it drains out every cents I have in my pocket to develop these films and buying lenses just to satisfy this curiosity. Other than that, I'm going with dudes that don't really appreciate anything about photography and shit. So I'm kinda influenced with lots of THEIR stuffs, doing new stuffs forgetting what I usually do when I'm out with friends - Take photos!

Have you ever wondered why I always put strange title on my posting? If you ask me, I have no idea as well. I don't really think of the title, just any word or sentence that comes across my head, I straight away capture them into one arrangement of words and taadaaa, they are my titles.

Some moments where my friends are graduating.. It's their 4th year here. I gotta admit, they are strong to survive those years until they finally graduate. I hope I can be like them and someone gonna have to be my photographer during my graduation.

something that were like those years

2010-11-03T12:59:00.005+08:00

I was invited by a friend who's from chinese degree to be their photographer. They were all dressed well in that graduation costume and hat and I have to take some group photos. And then during lunch, we sat together. At my table, 8/10 people were Koreans. Wow it really reminds me of my two good men: Kim Song Lee and Kim Song Boe. All those Korean talks really remind me of them so much lol. So I surprised them that I could understand a little of some words they were talking, I even told them some Korean bad words I learned.

Hmn. I wonder how Boe and Lee are doing now, I heard they went working out there in Philippines instead of continuing to degree studies. It was a fast years spent with them, great friends indeed. All the best.

when you feel like a dying person.

2010-11-03T04:08:00.006+08:00

My sleeping time is so messed up right now. In the morning, without any sleep, I can attend classes punctually and after class I just straight go to my room and sleep until dusk or night. At night, I could actually eat. For like 3 days already, I eat only once a day and so far I still feel OK with it. Now I'm thinking how long will I remain this way, trying to resist sleeping in daylight but sometimes I just fall asleep on my desk no matter how many amount of coffee I drink.

So I always reply messages from friends at this kind of time when they sent me messages in daytime -_-

BTW, please do a favor for me. http://www.fuse.tv/ontv/shows/top-40-2010/round-1-vote-19.html vote for Linkin Park.

sick of pretension.

2010-10-31T16:17:00.005+08:00

Usually I always pick my friends to have an all-out party once in a while but as I wanted it different this time, I went with some people whom I just know a little about them so maybe we can know each other more. But you know, the more we know what club is all about the further you look deep inside yourself how everything that's going on is somehow so fake. Or maybe it was just me who just didn't get the feeling so it felt so fucked up inside there. It used to be fun, the energy is always there once you're inside.

But at that momentt, all I see was an empty void with robots dancing when the beats go funky.

It was dark and overloaded. Empty noises and a den of liars. But everyone wants to be like everyone. And I, I guess I'm stuck in between, with the crowd as my worst enemy. My instinct's telling me to run from all this mess.

letting it all pass

2010-10-29T00:09:00.003+08:00

I KEPT ON WAKING UP LATE. Alarm doesn't help!

7.45AM. Without taking shower, brushed my teeth and immediately washed my hair, get a jacket, grabbed my bag, put the earphone on and rushed to this Chengxin Building. I never attended this specific class before so I was worried I would leave a bad impression to the teacher whom I even didn't know whether he/she was the kind or beastly one. It was 2-3 degree I assumed and regarding the cold wind, I decided to walk instead of biking there, which would take more time to reach. As I finally reached the building, I quickly finished my cigarette and got into the elevator to the 3rd floor. Out of the elevator, I saw the time and I realized I wasn't that late so I took my time walking slowly listening to my iPod to my classroom.

I just confidently entered the class as I listen to my iPod. I stepped in, I remember clearly I was even still switching my song without looking around. But then, the teacher stared at me when I was halfway inside the class, I looked around and "what the fuck." I have no idea whose class I entered. They were all chinese students and a chinese female teacher. EXPRESSIONLESSLY, I kept my cool, turned back and walked out. I was totally ashamed for doing that right after I was out of the class. Straight away I called a friend and asked where the class actually was. It turned out it was located near my dorm so I have to walk back again and in the end, I was late for more than 30 minutes and the fuckedup teacher actually has set a rule that any student who are 15 minutes late is considered ABSENT. Hell of a day ain't it, moreover on the next class I got calculus exam and God knows why I hate exam.

is it starting over again..

2010-10-28T00:02:00.002+08:00

Knowing in the end I took what I hate and made it a part of me. Everytime the more I push the more I got pulled away. Who should I listen to. Is it starting over again?

precedence.

2010-10-26T14:55:00.005+08:00

For the first time in my life, I let myself won over the laziness of waking up 7 in the morning in an unbelievable -1 degree cold outside. I have to thank my roommate, I really do. He saved me. He woke me up after several attempts. He is the man!

Just got home now. Trying to blog during this 45 minutes free time waiting to get my laundry downstairs. I'm thankful that the sun goes out today, finally. Hoping I can dry em out as soon as possible.

Sometimes when I feel all alone, I'm getting depressed having nobody I can really lean on. But then, I remember no matter how alone I feel, I know I still have people who love me out there. I'm always welcomed home and I can feel the love there. This applies to you, don't merely assume that all friends are meant to be your permanent friends. Sometimes you got to know there are friends who can just come and disappear leaving you stranded when you're being pushed down. Just believe that as long as there's love you can hold on to, you're up to carry on, reaching the furthest distance, and stand strong. Even if you have lost the most important person or people in your life, there is someone out there who loves you, prays for you. It starts when you're believing in it. So if you got friends mocking you for being who you are, for being who they think look funny, different, outcast.. Don't feel bad about it. You are cool just the way you are.

By the way I wanna post a babygirly pic;

there goes saying..

"You play a fool with her heart, I make you fool for the rest of your life."

sweet enough.

only through the iridescence

2010-10-26T02:27:00.003+08:00

WOOO. I managed to get a new look for my blog, what do you think? Does the background look very distracting to you? I changed the title of the blog too. "An Iridescent Faith". I don't know why I chose the word "Iridescent" to describe my own thinking regarding about Faith, but I do believe that the word has its own concept of beauty.

omg. Someone texted me that my blog is getting less convenient to read already.. I'll do something about its background picture. Thank You B!

Anyway. The cold here is getting beyond GODLIKE, I mean, beyond my expectation. Early it was still like 7-15 degree, now it gets like 4 or even 3 degree. Can you imagine that? Just right after I step outside my dormitory today, the wind frost every edge of my body.

in between visions and responsibilities

2010-10-24T20:15:00.010+08:00

Charlie had never achieved anything good except during his primary school life in grades. He wished that he could maintain what he had been doing in primary school so that he might have become an intellectual individual now but the interest in that area just faded away bit by bit over time. He couldn't even stand hanging around with people who take school as their second home. So whenever the pressure of studying is on, the urge of smoking is making him insane. He has also come to realise that he is addicted to smoking. Knowing this wasn't as easy as it looked to overcome, he then struggled hard to break this habit. Therefore he thought he could be more careful before getting involved into something without knowing the consequences in the future.

One day Charlie's parents called, asking how their child's university goes like, tired of lying, he dared to answer honestly that he has never been willing to study anymore since he got graduated from high school. But then he was crushed by the answer. His parents replied that if they could, they didn't want to work their asses off all day to pay for his university as well. He hates it so much when it comes to that point. He knows it was a decision made by his own and given only one responsibility, one thing to accomplish, to study. Hence, there goes his life continuing to seek what awaits for him in the future carrying the guilt of his own act.

Charlie's Burden.

"blogging helps out arranging all these thoughts into words,

an incredibly fucktastic media."

like the frequency inside my head

2010-10-24T14:00:00.005+08:00

i guess this is how it feels when you care so much for someone, you sacrificed and endured so much things like you never did before but all you got is total ignorance and somehow things never go the way you want.

i'm out.

different radiance

2010-10-22T00:58:00.011+08:00

reading sequence :

|12|

|34|

Since i own these private photos. I have the powah to censor and edit them. Beat that!

so far i'm not doing so well regarding the attendance for morning classes. especially these few days, i'm starting to wake up late. it is so typical of me to deal with this kind of things, i hate it. this problem caused me skipping morning classes and turned up only afternoon classes.

this is the real problem. when you give this impression of putting no much interest in studying to your classmates, what do you think your classmates will take you as? "Stupid student."

here what i think is happening now, my friend prefer to sit with other person which is what i am feeling now. but that is definitely normal, i need to put up her concerns rather than mine since everyone doesn't want to get fallen behind in studies for sitting with a person who didn't even turn up regularly in school. then whenever there is this grouping stuffs to do projects, if you are not the kind that seems bright enough in class, you gotta start asking for group rather than being asked to join group. so yeah, no one asked me for group and i did not ask for group lol. i know it won't be a good idea to ask my friends, so i dared myself to look for other groups instead. in the end, i got into a group of a bunch of Africans because they are looking for someone to fill the last slot of the group. not being racist here, just that i'm not used to that man. i'm the only asian boy inside. pretty sure this gonna be either very interesting group or a very disastrous moment of me if i don't put much contribution in the group. God Bless.

As tomorrow I don't have morning class, i'm so glad i don't have to wake up so early. i know budi will still tell me to sleep early, a very caring person i have ever met. but still, i don't really listen. i just replied him with silly and random jokes every time we talk. God Bless, This Mess. Good Night and Have a pleasant day for tomorrow for those who are schooling or working.

Linkin Park - Waiting For The End from ishutinow on Vimeo.

mornin glory

2010-10-20T06:50:00.012+08:00

it's 7AM in the morning and i just want to share this song so badly. by the way, the temperature outside is like 6-7 degree now and i got class in like 50 more minutes.. and the best part will be when my teacher gonna ask me "goood morning Wanda! how are you doin!" and i feel like unleashing a breath of ice from my mouth and freeze him to death, you know why, because it is 6.30 in the morning with this kind of sick weather and i have to attend this stupid class..

it is a song by LP which you can find in their new album "A Thousand Suns"

i'm just a student of the game the world taught

2010-10-17T22:05:00.012+08:00

Good day my good friends. the following contents might not be suitable for you cos it may contain the truth which may increase the complication of your own thinking. so yeah, good luck if you are choosing to carry on. just try to catch up with the idea my friend.

Brothers and Sisters, today is a very fine day, ain't it? i hope so. today basically i happened to ask a friend whether he has a blog or not. so then he giggled and spoke that those who blog are usually emo in real life. most of them got interest in photography too, he continued. so no, he did not blog because he's not interested in blogging. receiving such a lovely answer, i laughed back, and i did laugh hard. then i told him that i actually blog and i appreciate anything about photography. his face really turned into something else.

so why would SOME people think that way?

you know when you read so much, you watch something so much, you got that feeling of something spinning nonstop in your brain and you just want to say it out? therefore in my case, i write it down instead. whether no one is reading or not, it is another story. well i myself read my own blog and felt good about it. returning to the point about the emo thingy. i cant really say for sure but it may be right or wrong. but if someone generalize blogging that bloggers are mostly emo kids, there is something wrong with the way the brain works.

Another story, i was about to punch this 16 or 17 year old cocky kid when he really said something not nice about me feeling like he's the only kid who knows how to make things right. but then when my blood was on the top of my head, he turned into some crybaby and chilled me out explaining, correcting, shouting whatever crap to cool me down.

The thing is, kids nowadays really make you insane. they talk whatever they want, and they feel right about it. you know when i was at his age, older teens didn't even hesitate to kick me in the stomach telling me to shut up. i even remembered one day when i was playing this Gunbound online game in a LAN shop and i won against a team of teenagers who are like 5 years older than me. right after the match, they bumped into me and all of them just beat me like a dog. leaving me on the floor bleeding with my right-ear half-teared. i did cry though, i was mad and severely hurt. tears just flew through my cheeks, i couldn't barely even breathing. my friends didn't help me, they ran after seeing me kicked down from the chair. but i didn't say a word and i didn't try to make the situation right by being a crybaby and explaining whatever crap to those motherfuckers. and what i ended up is becoming a guy who don't easily respect anyone even if they are older than me. age doesn't make someone look wiser, it's how they behave and think.

This kid i mentioned didn't know how afraid i was back there. that makes it unfair.

i had real physical fights when i was a lot younger than i am now; i tasted the fear but i had to do it otherwise i gonna get bullied. (FYI, I was schooling in a Muslim primary school for 5 years.)

I got abused physically from my teachers. My own parents beat me if I made them really mad too.. thats personally my life, but i'm sure some of you got through this or even worse before.

However, all that don't go to waste, the weight of having such pain strengthen me. i don't back down easily when i got threatened by others despite of the size, age, or whoever the person might be. therefore kids nowadays need to get some beatings.

Thank You. Today's menu is bitter and a little bit spicy. Ain't that entertaining but I hope you guys can entertain yourselves at home.

dusk.

2010-10-14T21:01:00.012+08:00

"Ambition is a dream with a V8 engine."

repressed feelings,

not needing any perfect line,

words into melodies as i represent them,

i fell on my knee and i found my way out,

to the clandestine of my heart.

I was wishing I could have someone I can hold on to.

these 3 songs are awesome especially "Waiting for the End" the song you always listen to every morning to start your day :) enjoy!!

So today is like the 3rd day of my streak sleepless nights. I didn't really sleep and today actually I didn't sleep at all compared to the previous two days I still had like at least 3-4 hours sleep. The syndrome of a restless heart. I think too much, that's it.

I got to say that's all for now, i got panda eyebags already. and i feel like a zombie now. gotta sleep. thanks for viewing, hope i can see you guys soon. that includes you dude who is viewing this from Singapore. miss you guys.

clandestine.

2010-10-14T03:24:00.008+08:00

Sheit! i need more money now seriously, any idea how to convince our parents how hard it actually really seriously is to live a life with a very limited amount of resources? i mean, at least give me a fixed amount of money through some sort of deal for a month so i can manage my spending. just like a few weeks more, winter is coming. and i afforded to buy a nice zara wool jacket and a gay (Seriously it is) pair of thick pink socks to wear in dorm only, sorry for not uploading the photos, its gross.

SO, for your information, winter will take like a few months. and i swear you don't want to wear the same jacket everyday right. now going back to the problem, it is hard for me to tell my parents how to deal with this because the total spending for this first month is already like $10.000 RMB which includes my stay, food, electricity, water, and other shit. but oh gawd, everyone is spending the same or even more because it is the very first month here. we got hell loads of things to settle and you gotta pay for it. like the internet, some instant noodles we all chinese need to indulge in for breakfast or whenever we're hungry, a dispenser + mineral water gallons we have to pay monthly, coffee/cigarettes/milo, and ETC. BLAH.

it will be nice if your parents can tell you like "Okay Wanda, since you're living in Beijing, the Capital City of China where food prices aren't the same with Guangzhou, i will give u a fix amount of 2.000/2.500/3.000 RMB a month excluding your monthly dormitory bills." i will be like "Thank you, Father O'Lord of heaven, for enlightening my parents.".

So instead of that, my parents always send me a random amount of money every time i asked them i need some money. sometimes they don't even ask you how much do you need, why do you need them for. i know, i know, its not easy for them. they are working their asses off for me, and i know that so well. its just - this is the situation they kinda need to understand. unless they want me to put a tattoo saying "open for business" on my butt. im not gonna do that, no im not gay.

BY THE WAY, i have been eating these cheap fried rice, dumplings, pork this pork that which are all less than 10 YUAN lately to save money. and guess what, i thought it will be a healthy diet for me. turns out it ain't properly called a diet at all. the oil, yuck, seriously it is unhealthy and sometimes i just left the food there and paid the bill. so next time, i know what not to order.

financial crisis T.T

oh btw, why recently these "eksis" thingy all indos have been talking about really bother me? Personally thats dumb. I ain't faking myself to get recognized. Stick with the same shit people,

"don't know - don't care."

but still, don't be afraid to introduce yourself to other. be friendly at least.

JUST DON'T OVERREACT TO IT.

on your knees you will think clearer

2010-10-13T14:54:00.002+08:00

sometimes, in life, we have to go through the so-called ups and downs. oh well. those who can't really make their mind set on something, having one purpose and work for it wholeheartedly, will easily get frustrated on something. it is true that you may feel joy at times but you are feeling down often as well.

so when someone tells you "don't think about the negative sides, always think or take the positive sides of things", that is like someone is teaching you how to lie. personally, i tend to react more on negative stuffs that people have to say. it doesn't matter how many nice things i see i focus on the negative. so if i screwed something and people give me negative comments, i will react to it and in the end it forces me to think how to solve or not to repeat the same shit all over again.

as easy as to type crap and a click on facebook. everyone is trying to shout whatever they want. stuffs like old philosophy where your parents or teachers probably had already taught you, now your friends are repeating the same shit without first looking at the meaning and think about the phrase they were about to say. but if you're the type who put your doctrine up rather than your own knowledge and thinking, too bad you will agree to everything.

sorry for bad english and grammar. i don't really care but yeah i hope you guys get the point im trying to say :)

HAVE A BLASTING DAY.

words into melodies

2010-10-13T01:00:00.001+08:00

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

::::

don't need another perfect line

2010-10-12T01:32:00.002+08:00

skip this.

it is for you, yes you.

the only one i have had.

the star that once kept shining in my life.

probably you know life gets boring sometimes and you need another story for yourself.

skip this.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

repress feelings

2010-10-08T15:37:00.006+08:00

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

why can't i just raise my voice to say

anywhere you go, anything you do...

2010-10-04T03:47:00.003+08:00

and the drama takes place, it continues to the next level of conflict.. but something inside me just tells me not to stop..

you felt it so strong but...

2010-10-03T01:00:00.004+08:00

Actually i almost posted about this stupid teenage story about me and a total stranger who comes into my life a few days ago. but then i decided not to post it to avoid any continuation of the cold war *cold drama suits best, actually* that has been happening here.

but wait, this one song will depict the whole story of the draft i made. i am not faking this, its just coincidental how this song can really fit the situation.

a birthday surprise, an unending rain, and great friends

2010-10-02T05:10:00.007+08:00

it has already been 1 month stay in Beijing! that is seriously fast!

By the way, happy birthday to San Phei! i and my dorm-mates have successfully surprised her and the best part was when she cried after seeing us bumping into her room while she was sleeping.

So after the party, on the way back home riding our bikes, we were stormed with freezing rain and wind. but given with no choice, we just rushed home because the weather in Beijing is so unpredictable. even until now as i write this blog, its still raining. lucky enough, all of us have already brought our own jacket. so yeah, at least we didn't get frostbite and passed out in the middle of the way caused by the extreme cold.

wandasan's iphone's #1 most played song of the week

same thing as before

2010-09-27T00:16:00.004+08:00

so recently, i went to this art district called "789". it is a cool place, bunch of interesting stuffs to see and definitely is one of the attraction that every visitors has to come by.

there were 11 of us and overall we were there taking pictures all the time.

to take some shots, i borrowed a Nikon D3000 from a friend there who apparently couldn't really use it up well. it turned out that the camera is way better than my alpha100 (of course, duh!) even that it is still using its 18-55mm kit lens. okay, moving on..

with two beautiful ladies :)

and they can be gangstas sometimes.

i would say that, that day i had the chance to know more about some friends and we get to know more new places here in beijing :D

dawn

2010-09-26T00:45:00.004+08:00

It's been awhile that I haven't been blogging. Thanks to Budi for encouraging me to continue, beside that he gave me some topics I should write about as well which is sort of like "a life in Beijing".

Well at first, I asked a lot of questions whether China is a good place to continue studying to some of my friends. Obviously, most of them gave me like negative comments about China. I think it all depends on each individual itself, I personally chose not to care and enjoy everything I can possibly do when I'm already here :D

China is indeed overpopulated and it has its own distinctive lifestyle I guess. Way different from Singapore. WHY!? Cus Chinese females don't shave their armpits. nah, kidding. Its because I find that people here don't really give a shit about being friendly to others but actually they don't mean to be harsh. It is just how it goes here, never involve your emotion when you're talking to the locals. Unlike in Singapore or maybe even in some other countries, the people there understand how to talk nicely.

And umm, some other stuffs like the food, the university I am in, and some new friends I met here.. i think i'm gonna talk about those in my next post. I'm too tired now :/ gotta get some sleep.

Oversensitivity Kills

2010-01-29T01:48:00.006+08:00

Wooow. You guys remember this posting, it was like 2 years ago...

A friend of mine just told me about this confusing-full-of-conflict-drama-case that appeared after i posted that. To be honest, aw man that was directed to my junior classmates. They are addicted to clubs and I don't like it. That's all. Come on, cheers man and just hope that i wasn't talking about you.

Peace out!

Trips and Chipmunks

2010-01-04T01:40:00.006+08:00

It is 2010!

Back then when i was still a small ingusan boy, year 2010 was like 100 years later but unbelievably i am living in year 2010. Guys i can't lie, kinda miss your comments or views.

So after leaving Singapore, i am thankful for the bless and mess during the last 2 months of 2009!

I WANNA THANK YOU FOR :

Finally had my chances sleeping safe n' sound in the best bedroom in the world

For the trip to US with my dad

For letting me to reunite with old friends

For the blessful new year eve, a very pleasant time

And for my family, yeah!

tell me

2009-11-03T01:38:00.001+08:00

Out of boredom!

Radical

2009-10-04T23:42:00.005+08:00

Waahhhh... I always end up doing something else instead of studying. The 3 hours that should be spent on reading some humanities are used for taking some snapshots and played around with musicshake.

I created this tonight :

Hallelujah - Rainchild

totally rockin' this free program out!

my suburban song

2009-09-28T00:39:00.005+08:00

I thought this weekend will be just like another weekend to waste. But something happened, something personal. Not gonna tell you guys, like i said its personal matter. Tooooo bad, even on my own blog i dont really want to open my mind for this.

Lets put up a music video again! Kurt Nilsen feat. Willie Nelson - Lost Highway.

>>http://vagranci.deviantart.com/ <<

do click!

faces page

2009-09-26T13:30:00.010+08:00

Hey-hoo! Another post i'd like to put random picture of 2009 otk members in! I'd like to put more faces but unfortunately some of my other friends were missing in action.

tripping eyes and flooded lungs

2009-09-24T23:51:00.003+08:00

Talking about lungs, damn, it has been 3 days that my chest is hurting. Now i cant even laugh out loud or take a deep breath, i will kill myself if i do. It hurts so bad inside! henceforth i'm suspecting that my lung is bleeding or something. Nah, no way! I'm joking. My lungs are just crying now, it needs fresh air!

i'm not so into blogging nowadays because i have been dragging these darkclouds alongside me. what im tryin to say is i am having bad days - school matters. despite of that, nothing keeps me away from being a lazy ass. i sleep and sleep and sleep and dream in class. those interests in study are just sapped away. there is no why. dont bother to ask.

warning! the video may be boring, i've got no intention to bore you but i'd like to introduce you my fellow classmates:

the three musketeers

They sit together They play together They eat together and They sleep together

i've got to end this post right now, gomenasai. dont have much to say for now~ i promise i will be back within no more than 12 months! wanda will keep his words, dont worry.

"You come along because I ____ your face And I'll admire your ____ taste and

who cares divine intervention, I wanna be praised from a new perspective."

"But leaving now would be a good idea. So catch me up on getting out of here!"

built and destroyed

2009-09-21T23:49:00.006+08:00

Breaking news, Crayon ShinChan's author died in Gunma hiking accident.. So the comic ended at episode 49. Yes, it IS the last episode. I haven't get one, but i will. it had been a wonderful childhood i had with you.

Yoshito Usui was confirmed dead in hiking accident which according to the local police, his body fell 250 to 300 meters from the peak rock, worse is that he is already 51-year-old. He kept a habit of day-long hiking excursions all by his own. But he never came back the last time he headed to Arafune Mountain in Gunma. This saddened me of course, i'm one of Shinchan's huge fan. So do all the fans out there throughout the world.

Rest in Peace, Yoshito Usui.

boycott exam and verses

2009-09-18T03:59:00.003+08:00

Check out Asher Roth as Eminem's replacement in the meantime. guaranteed nice songs.

Tay-Pain Swifter

2009-09-16T13:53:00.006+08:00

Wow!

Officially I am a fan of Taylor now!

and anyway, the best rock video winner is Greenday's 21 Guns! I was waiting for FOB to make the acceptance speech this year, actually they deserve one! Haha but yeah, congratulation to Greenday!

"I can't tell you how dope I really think I am. I am super dope!"

2009-09-14T21:40:00.014+08:00

-Words from Kanye's mouth himself
As you all know...

Kanye West did it again.

His enormous ego is still there, i can't believe it!

If some of you don't know, what happened is;

During MTV VMA, no one had ever even guessed Taylor Swift would win the nomination. There were only 2 option, it is either Beyoncé or Lady Gaga who shall win. But then Taylor Swift was chosen to be the best female music video category.

She was overjoyed and about to make an acceptance speech

So this giantheaded Kanye West went onstage without any permission, rudely interrupting Taylor's acceptance speech and grabbed the mic from Taylor, and then he shouted "Beyonce has the best music video of all time!" repeatedly 2 times or more? Something like that.

DUDE, eventhough i'm not a great fan of Taylor Swift but it struck me. I was like...

"How dare you do that? Do you even care about Taylor's feeling at the time? Do you even think!? Seriously I would like to know how your brain function man... That is Taylor's biggest moment right there.. Totally a selfish action, dude. I wouldn't do that.."

I was so worked up for nothing.. Kanye has ruined the poor girl's first ever nomination. Well, i would like to say congratulation to Taylor Swift, good job.

For you guys who may not know this; this is not the first time, similiar cases happened where Kanye outbursts making only what he wants that happens. Last 2006 MTV awards he went onstage in a way mocking a band that beat his music. Personally i have lost my respect for you brother Kanye, your music is great but you are still very rude and disrespectful towards people. Kanye's, you're nothing but a complete immature stuck-up douchebag. Sorry.

until you live a thousand times

2009-09-12T03:23:00.007+08:00

ever suffer such feeling? yes? no? err..

I'm the one who always start to rather "break and laugh it off" than to go through the gut wrenching changes that could have made for the type of relationship that a person envisioned in the beginning.. well its not just merely about peer pressure and stuffs, it is about being you. But still, i'm just like the happy boy out there.

from this song, the linking message is about not changing who you are for the sake of people, no matter how painful it may be, because you are not going to step down. i'm glad for being honest here because it is best when you are writing stuffs just before you go to bed. whatever i say, whatever you want to think of. i'm bringing this song to my grave. nights.

heart of From Yesterday

2009-09-09T12:29:00.010+08:00

Some snapshots i made!

(do click to enlarge)

small things that matter

====================

H D

====================

night oversight

====================

The Man Who Cant Be Moved - The Script

the pester

2009-09-08T14:34:00.006+08:00

Uhh...

This morning, as usual greeting 'zao an' 早安 (act a little chinese cus i have the eyes here) or some byes to friends who are rushing down to school, then i looked at the table to have some munchies in the glory morning.

What else can i ask for? Its CHOCOPIES AGAIN. I've been eating these until they have no taste in my mouth.

sit through the weekend and dreaming

2009-09-04T17:49:00.006+08:00

Not really, i don't sleep all day. But i do find joy in dreams. I remember i felt "good" waking up from my sleep knowing i just had a good dream. I didn't know what i dreamed of though. It's been a long time i have never really felt it, perhaps i dreamed of good ol' moments.

EDO IS THE MAN, LITERALLY

Basically this is about me and three others disturbing our friend, Edo. Least to say, we are just bored during physics class.

So what actually happened is, I threw the paper a couple of times at him to get his attention. So i tried to throw harder and finally got his attention but he mistakenly pointed the blame on Alex who walked pass him. Quite a funny guy. The video taker put him as "Stalker" because he likes to turn his head and looked at either Me, Lai Guan or Xiao Yuan for no reason. So yeah, feeling irritated by that, when it comes to making fun of people in class. "EDO" pops first in our head.

September Hamstrung

2009-09-03T19:53:00.005+08:00

I can't believe that preliminary papers are so tough, i was desperately resisting myself from tearing the paper on the spot. OHH YEAHH.. i swear i will turn into one raging nerd if i see the same shitty paper again tomorrow!!

Ok im supposed to be studying here rather than turning into some whiny kids.

LATER!!

what happens next?

2009-08-31T19:09:00.005+08:00

"Hey son! Have you been studying? Have you checked which course you want to study in, next year?"

"Hey son! Check out for this university in China, blabla.. so have you decided which university you want to go to? How about learning some mandarin starting from now..?"

"Hey son! Why don't you get a class for a web-designing... network security.. those are not so bad, you may use the skills to make money straight away."

OK HOLD UP! JUST HOLD UP!
FIRSTLY, ALL THESE THINGS MAKE MY HEAD GOING TO EXPLODE BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT, EVERYTIME MY PHONE RANG AND IT IS MY PARENTS (OH GREAT), WHAT I WILL HEAR ARE ONLY THOSE STUDYING TERMS.
It is like i am talking with Yoda from STAR WARS. Because those studying terms are just not implanted in my head. So i just don't understand.

To them i'm either a failure of life or a 24/7 study-machine. Not that i'm calling myself a failure of life already.

What else can i wish for other than hoping they will call me asking how have i been or stuffs like that. And i wish i have the chance to reply them;
"Mum, Dad, can i switch off my brain for... ever?"

ps. ok before you click the buton below there, i know you may post a comment like GAMBATE or JIAYOU or CIAYO or CAIYO wanda... this post is just me scribbling out whatever i like. I dont really seek for sympathy or anything.
Love you guys. peace out.

skipping the lies

2009-08-27T17:11:00.014+08:00

This is my favourite of my old time! I wonder how old shinchan would be now if he really exists!

Aight, i know that i have been dead for a couple of days. i dont feel like blogging, and i dont feel like writing anything. so then i dont feel like posting anything. so these few days have been the least productive days of my life! and do you know what have i been up to? one thing for sure, i overslept, and i slept like a baby at home. i filled my head with miligrams that i realise it was just a little bit too much.

Okay okay. i admit that i have turned into Mr. Slob.. or.. Mr. Sit-On-My-Ass all day. Well i'm a MALE TEENAGER ok. And i have the right to use that as an excuse. (damn)

You know, no matter how i sometimes get annoyed by the way my parents driving me insane such as saying stuffs like.. "WANDA, YOU GOT A B3?! ONLY A B3?! YOU DISHONOR OUR FAMILY. NO EXTRA POCKET MONEY FOR YOU." or "WANDA! WANDA...! ARE YOU PLAYING GAMES AGAIN? DON'T YOU HAVE HOMEWORK TO DO? AND CAN YOU CLEAN UP YOUR OWN ROOM?!"

Sorry for the capital letters, but i find that when my parents are not around, i began to oversleep like crazy.. i dont have my usual alarm clock, you know, all sorts of responsibility stuffs. So you gotta realise that i trully, trully appreciate what they do. *awww...*

time to sleep.. why dont you guys check out NSGMUSIC from youtube. another cool indonesian mate. just seach for Indomie Girl from the youtube search bar.

Trying to forget everything that isn't me

2009-08-24T10:02:00.006+08:00

i kept telling myself that i'm not the broken type. But you've got me looking in through blinds. Time shows 10.15AM and i'm here whining at home, desperate. I tried my best to be friggin punctual and i just can't depend on myself as you see i can't even get awaken. Blame not the alarm clock but me to let the burning morning spirit slip away.

i came across this senescent yet beautiful unicorn when i was doing my art research from the internet. then i got reminded of what pete had said. very intriguing and magical. you can find whatever you want to believe in. but at the end of the day, its fake. ultimately what pops in the back of my head, some people would only believe what they want to believe. it is just a horse with something glued to its head. just ask tom cruise.